These letters document my journey of monetizing creativity. Take what inspires you and leave what doesn't resonate. xx

Investing (in your career)

When I started this newsletter in October, I was very frustrated with my financial situation as a creative. At my age, I was tired of producing art for free.

It's one thing to be in your 20s or even 30s, experimenting and finding your voice, but it's another to wake up in your 40s without a plan in place.

I'm almost six months into this bi-weekly newsletter, and I've quickly realized that not working for free isn't as easy as it sounds. Although the idea is cute and a good starting point, it's important to be realistic about certain things.

I've been professing that everyone should think of themselves as a small business.

I just did a Google search to figure out how long it typically takes for a small business to become profitable. The unanimous result was that it takes between 2 to 4 years. Yes, 2 to 4 years!

So why would I have the audacity to get upset that my "show" wasn't profitable? Furthermore, I don't even have a written business plan.

Wikipedia defines a business plan as a formal written document containing the goals of a business, the methods for achieving those goals, and the timeframe for the achievement of the goals.

My head is hurting just thinking about writing this out.

In letter 6 - 12/15/23, I admitted to myself that I'm building a media company specializing in alternative forms of drag content, called Duffer Sisters Prod. And by media, I mean television, radio, theater, print, etc.

Easier said than done… but I have to start somewhere.

Möther’s Creme Diaries is the first piece of content from the library and obviously the one I’m most attached too because of how long I’ve been working on it.

I'm staging a show at The Fringe Show in June for three nights (I just put down a deposit). The cost of the theater space alone is $1100, not including all other expenses.

Will it be profitable? Likely not. So, why go through the effort?

Well, for one, I'm still testing out the show's concept. It was originally pre-recorded and lip-synced, but after producing two shows that way, I realized something was missing. I should give live acting a try.

Reason two: Fringe falls during Pride Month, which is an excellent time to display your art in solidarity.

Reason three: Crowdfunding, but not in the traditional sense.

While staging the shows at Fringe Fest, I plan to inform the audience that proceeds (amount tbd) from ticket sales are going directly into my next project. The production of the same episode but for television.

That's right! Almost four years after producing this monstrosity of a pilot for Möther's Cream Diaries, here's a link to that project (passcode: pilot), I'm back to give it another go-round, but with a new script, real queens, and all the knowledge I've acquired thus far.

I've been feeling a strong urge to do this.

MY BACKSTORY 8.0

It's 2021 and I just completed editing my crowdfunded pilot, Mother's Cream Diaries. Visually, it was great, but as a whole, it was a pile of shit. I was worried that people who donated to the project would want to see the finished result… but no one asked! Go figure. I learned that people are just happy to help you out.

After the whole crowdfunding experience, I walked away with one thing: resilience. If I could con a bunch of friends and family to give me $14,000 to make a visually pleasing piece of shit, I could do ANYTHING!

I wasn't done with Möther’s Creme Diaries by any means but I knew I had to give it a rest. I needed a break from producing.

So, what does a gay creative do to let loose? He gets on the apps, of course. I've always been a prude, fascinated by gay sex culture, but would never partake. I've been invited to a sex party or two but have politely declined. I don't want to be that wallflower, rubbernecking the talent or the talentless.

I already had a SCRUFF account because of my short film casting for Pimples n'Nipples, so I decided to actually invest in getting some dates from it.

Apps are similar to texting, but instead of immediate responses, it takes 6-12 hours for a reply. Unless you send nudie judies, then responses are immediate.

So, I've been on the app for a month or so, and I get a "woof" (essentially a notification of interest) from this 27-year-old latino guy with the profile name "Aqui". I look at his profile and, although he seems attractive, I can't really tell because all his pictures were artsy fartsy. They're images of his reflection off a car window or a mirrored selfie with his face obscured by his phone. Also, no socials attached. Very alluring but annoying.

After a week or so of chatting, we exchange nudes. Yum, I'm instantly interested in the guy. A few days later, it's a Friday and he asks what I'm up to. I was off that night, so he asked if he could come over for a drink after work.

I immediately hesitated and texted a friend. Mind you, I’ve never brought someone home from an app. This was very new.

My friend asked if he was cute. I said yes. He then said, "Do it."

I run to Ralph’s to grab some booze. I’m so nervous.

He messages, "I'm here." I run downstairs wearing my favorite black tee and gym shorts. I was going for the masc look.

I opened the front door and there was an immediate attraction. He looked like the serial killer Richard Ramirez donning a baseball cap, but I invited him in anyway.

The conversation was a bit dicey. We sat on the couch for a while, watching HBO's "It's a Sin". I got up and offered to make margaritas. He followed me into the kitchen and said he wanted to watch. I made a joke about spiking his drink but then I realized he’s probably been in that predicament before.

Give me two margaritas... We're on the couch, liquored up, and we start making out. It's fire, and the reason I know this is because he had some body odor going on, which could have been a huge turn-off, but instead, it made it all the better.

Give me three margaritas; imma put it in my mouth. The natural progression for gay hookups is the bj phase. My friend Richard Ramirez had a healthy, uncut, slightly dirty cock, but again, while it could have been disgusting, I was eating it up.

He also returned the favor with great head.

Andy Dick needs to teach an actual bj class. The art of good head is quickly disappearing.

We finish by jerking ourselves off. For some reason my face was near his dick when this happened and he came in my eye. It really does sting. We had a good laugh and ended the night. I was genuinely digging this guy.

He left my apartment around 2am with a piece of my heart. I went to bed that night with a piece of him… in my eye. His name… Miguel.

Miguel and I began to date casually. We hung out once a week, sometimes having dinner, other times going on hikes. We eventually consummated our relationship one wild night over poppers. It remains the best sex I've had.

I was smitten, or sprung as they call it, but there was still one thing bugging me. While I had personally put a kibosh on using hookup apps, Miguel was still an active user. A very active user. Believe me, I checked frequently, like a psycho. I just wanted to know how serious we were!

We aren't officially in a relationship, but I don't understand why he is always online.

Two months in, I asked him to the beach to watch the sunset. He loves the beach. I packed up lawn chairs, a blanket, and a wireless speaker. We made love before we headed out, well at least I was making love. He was very transactional that afternoon. No eye contact and limp dick. He clearly wanted to get it over with. I chalked it up as an off day for him.

We stopped at Whole Foods for snacks on the way. Because we only had one mask to share during COVID, we went in separately. This was the perfect time for Derek the psycho to check the apps and see if Miguel was online. He wasn’t. He was all mine that evening. What a relief.

The sunset was beautiful. It was a bit chilly, but that made for a good excuse to cuddle and listen to old Mariah albums. I could have stayed there until the sun came back up, but Miguel suggested we leave around 12:30 a.m.

We return to my place, and I invite him to spend the night. He declines, saying he has to be up early in the morning. Again, I’m feeling this guy is distant. We kiss and I send him off.

As soon as I get home, I can't control myself. I open my phone and find Miguel active not only on Scruff but also on Grindr, minutes after leaving my neighborhood and spending a romantic evening with me on the shores of Malibu.

I was devastated. My demisexual heart couldn't take it. Logically, I knew we weren't in a relationship and he could sleep with anyone he wanted. Yet, I couldn't comprehend how he could be flippant about the time we spent together.

I told myself this had to end. It wasn't healthy for me to be the Scruff police.

Last seen on the shores of Malibu on 04/03/2021.

Thank you for taking two months of my life and reminding me of how crazy I can be.

I quickly returned to the apps, trying to find the same magic that I had experienced with Miguel.

Oh, I got magic, all right. But in the form of inspiration for my next project.

Business Minded

Business is all very new to me, but I want to lead by example and start implementing best practices.

For my first projects, I didn't keep track of any finances. I was just very mindful of what I spent.

It's clear that everything needs to be tracked and accounted for. You don’t wing it.

From this point on, my newsletters, up until the end of July when the Fringe Fest ends, will include detailed breakdowns of all the finances going into this project, down to the coffees I decide to treat the cast with.

So far, my first expense is the space.

$1127.50 for three 60-minute performances, plus 2 extra hours of tech at The Actors Company, 916 N Formosa Ave, Los Angeles, CA 90046.

That's all for this one, folks. I may sound like a broken record, but I'm genuinely excited for the next few months. Aside from my show playing in mid-June at the Hollywood Fringe Fest, I have a lot of personal developments manifesting.

Some refer to it as luck, others as hard work. I define it as timing and a self-awareness. #getoutofyourhead

P.S. I'm still on the hunt for a business partner. I'm seeking someone who not only complements my strengths but also brings fresh insight and wisdom to MCD and beyond.

Thank you all for reading xx

If you have any questions or suggestions for the newsletter, please feel free to contact me directly at [email protected]. This is an open creative space!