These letters document my journey of monetizing creativity. Take what inspires you and leave what doesn't resonate. xx

Old Habits Die Hard

I'm almost two months into working at Desert Five Spot in Hollywood, a job role that I've been avoiding my whole life: management. Everything is going great and I'm fitting right in. However, something interesting happened on a recent busy Saturday night.

An older cowboy, and I do mean a 'cowboy' (you can clock who's authentic and who is not), walked up to me from across the room and started chatting about the venue and how much he loves it.

Suddenly, I'm thinking, "Why does he want to talk to me? Doesn't he know I'm gay?" As if my sexuality has anything to do with having a conversation with someone. So, I'm engaging with him but also trying to text someone. In hindsight, I was a little rude.

He got the hint and went to the dance floor area, just watching over people. I immediately felt remorseful, so I walked over to where he could see me and jokingly gestured for him to join the dance floor. He smiled and walked into a crowd of people doing the two-step.

I then thought to myself, "Why am I being so dismissive to this guy? He just wanted to talk." I didn't think too much about it until it resurfaced in my brain the next day. It bugged me because I'm typically a people person, especially at work.

I gravitate towards female energy, and this all stems from being closer to my mom while growing up. Instead of watching sports with my dad on Sundays, my mom and I would go to the mall and spend his money.

My dad had ZERO patience with me, so I always steered clear of him. Literally, he walked in a room and I would walk out. I couldn’t stand his energy. We never hugged or said "I love you." He was very cold, which stemmed from him being the oldest of eight children and receiving the brunt of disciple from his father.

One day, when I was 18 and feeling too big for my britches, I took the family Lexus out for a joyride. I picked up two girlfriends from school and drove around the city. I was trying to impress my friends, but as luck would have it, I made an illegal U-turn and hit an oncoming car.

Luckily, no one was seriously hurt except for the Lexus. At that point, I knew I was fucked. The dad, who has ZERO patience, was going to kill me.

The car gets towed away, and I call my aunt (my dad's sister), who's the peacemaker of the family. She picks me up, and it's silent in the car because we both know it's going to go down.

We pull up to my house, and my Dad is standing on the front steps. I'm like, "damn". I could tell he was raging. I get out of my aunt’s car and stand there. He screams, "get over here", gesturing for me to walk up to him. I know I’m about to get beat up, so I hesitate. He screams again, "get over here"!

I slowly make my way towards him, like an animal in line to get slaughtered. Sure enough, once I make it up to him, he starts swinging at me as if we're in a bar fight. I have no idea what to do but cover myself. My little sister comes out screaming. My aunt also screaming for him to stop.

I get away and make it to my aunt's car. We decide I'll stay at her place until everything cools off.

If my Dad and I didn't have a rocky father-son relationship to start with, this solidified it. I hated him for a long time after that. Granted It was my fault, I just wish violence wasn't always his first instinct.

I'm not here to bash my father. As easy as it is to pick at all his faults, it's just as easy to look at the positive. He was a great provider and did the best he could with what he was handed down from his family… zero emotional intelligence ;/

My Dad and I are cool now. He's definitely trying and even using text messages to express how he feels with words like ”I miss you” or "I love you". I would faint if I ever heard him say that in person. Even after all these years, I still have some anxiety around my dad and, to think of it, older working-class straight men.

Pivot

I took an impromptu trip to SF at the end of last month. It was predominantly for an immersive show that Peaches Christ throws called “Initiation”. The theme of the show revolved around joining a cult to infiltrate it and save a woman held captive.

But what really left a lasting impression from my trip was a parody show I happened to stumble upon on my last day in SF. After doing some local thrift shopping, I grabbed a coffee and started thinking about what to do on my last day there. I started googling... yup, drag shows.

The venue, Oasis SF, popped up. I quickly pulled it up on Instagram and noticed that a Scream parody show was starting in a few hours. I ran back to the hotel, changed, and grabbed my friend.

D'Arcy Drollinger, one of the lead drag queens, began the show as the iconic Drew Barrymore character, holding stovetop popcorn for a night of horror films. The writing, while hilarious, wasn't the standout—it was D'Arcy’s interpretation of the lisp-y Drew Barrymore character. Dressed in a blonde bob wig, an oversized V-neck sweater, and faded skinny jeans, D'Arcy understatedly embodied the character.

After the opening kill scene in the show, we are guided into a larger area of the venue playing nostalgic '90s music and video. A Blockbuster employee walks around, talking to guests about movie trivia. Someone brings out the Twister game for the audience.

After about 30 minutes, the show resumes with a full cast, and with D'Arcy Drollinger now playing the role of Courteney Cox. Again, the costume and performance were so understated and well-acted.

In short, this is the type of show I strive to be a part of. It's campy and fun, but most of all, it left me wanting more.

This brings up my show, MCD.

I've had many people ask why my show is pre-recorded and lip-synced. My reasoning is that it's adapted from a podcast, so I want to keep it on brand. However, that wasn't the only reason. I also wanted to put on a show within a budget, which meant minimizing rehearsals and tech support.

After watching the Scream parody show, I'm starting to think that my show might benefit from actual dialogue delivered by the actors.

This means scrapping my original idea of collaborating with a DJ or promoter to create an immersive night. Instead, I'll be casting queens with theatre experience and budgeting for extra rehearsal time. It's everything I was afraid of tackling, LOL.

I mean, I’m already planning on staging a show during Fringe Fest and Pride Month, so why not give this new format a shot then, right?

I've already reached out to Salana EsTitties, an alumna of AMDA College of Performing Arts, to reprise her role as Vivian from episode 2 of the podcast "Rest In Busse." She’s open to the possibility but until dates are finalized, it’s still up in the air.

I have two more theater girls I’m eyeing for supporting roles. Stay tuned.

You Are What You Eat

I'm not claiming that I don't watch junk TV. I love a good Judge Judy episode or Drag Race, obviously when applicable. However, my television consumption has changed over the past few months.

Once Netflix kicked me off my sister's account, I was left with Max and World Of Wonder. Besides "We’re Here," "Hacks," and the occasional documentary series, Max is trash. It’s so confusing to navigate and became less niche when it combined with Discovery.

World of Wonder... you in danger, girl. I'm literally donating $4.99 a month to them because I feel guilty for finding free ways to watch RPDR online. Their streaming service has nothing unique or interesting to offer. Occasionally, there's a “Keeping Up With Krystal Versace,” an inside look at producing a show, or “Manhattan Cable,” weird clips from New York's public access channels. Besides that it’s lame green screen content.

Then there’s YouTube.

I subscribed to YouTube Premium for $13.99 a month because it advertised video downloading capabilities. Lies, but I stayed paying the monthly subscription because I got lazy after my free month was over. What I didn’t take into consideration was how much I was on YouTube.

I slowly got sucked into the self-improvement sector one day last year when a Dan Koe video was suggested to me. I don’t remember the specific video, but his entire methodology revolves around being a one-man business. He focuses on solving a problem and then selling the knowledge on social media. He’s actually one of my inspirations for this newsletter. He has a weekly newsletter himself https://thedankoe.com/blog/

Anyway, after a few months of viewing Dan's content, YouTube started suggesting similar content from Alex Hormozi, Codie Sanchez, The Futur, and The Diary Of A CEO.

To each his own, but if you're feeling stuck in an area of your life like I have been, YouTube is an amazing resource for free information. It just makes more sense to watch an educational video or podcast than to watch housewives screaming at each other about the same storyline.

Apologies! I’m getting off my soapbox now.

That concludes this letter. I'm incredibly excited for the next few months. I'm ready to bring Möther's Crème Diaries LIVE back but entirely LIVE, not pre-recorded. It will definitely be playing in mid-June at the Hollywood Fringe Fest. Dates are to be determined.

P.S. I'm still on the hunt for a business partner. I'm seeking someone who not only complements my strengths but also brings fresh insight and wisdom to MCD and beyond. If that's you or someone you know, please send over a short bio and a description of why you'd be a good fit.

Thank you all for reading xx

If you have any questions or suggestions for the newsletter, please feel free to contact me directly at [email protected]. This is an open creative space!